Weddi-quette…clutch my pearls!

Can someone other than the father walk the bride down the aisle?

The bride’s father traditionally walks her down the aisle, but you can have anyone who is significant—mom or stepdad, brother or sister—walk you down the aisle. You can even walk alone or with more than one person.

How do I get my guests to RSVP?

Give guests at least 15 days between the invitation’s arrival and the RSVP deadline to figure out the logistics. Sending pre-stamped enclosure cards or permitting RSVP via email may also encourage guests to respond faster. Approximately one week before the numbers are due to vendors, make follow-up calls to guests who have yet to reply.

Should I send an invitation to someone who I know can’t come?

No, it is not necessary. In the event it is a family member or close friend, you can send with a note that it is meant as a keepsake.

Can I back out of my Maid of Honor duties?

Generally, it is a binding commitment. Other than illness, family emergency, or an iron-clad work demand, it’s not acceptable to back out once you’ve committed. If you have no choice but to cancel, it’s important to let the bride know as soon as possible.

Who hosts the bridal shower?

Anyone from the bridesmaids to the mother of the bride to the mother of the groom can host a bridal shower. In any case, the hostess should consult with the bride about the guest list, because shower guests should also be invited to the wedding.

Can I upload pics of the B&G on day of to social media?

When in doubt, it’s better to ask the couple’s permission before posting photos to any social media outlet—especially during the ceremony. Uploading photos not only distracts you from participating in the moment, but it also broadcasts details of the event to people who may not have been invited.

How do I decide who can bring a date?

You should extend a plus one to anyone who is in a committed relationship, whether married, engaged, or in a live-in partnership—even if you haven’t met the other half. You are not obligated to give single guests and guests who are involved in more casual relationships the option to bring a date.

If someone asks me to be in their wedding, do I have to ask them to be in mine?

You shouldn’t feel obligated to reciprocate. If you feel uncomfortable about the situation, ask them to be a reader or to fulfill some other role in the wedding. Similarly, it’s a nice gesture to include your fiancé’s siblings in the wedding party, but you are not required to do so.

Do I have to invite someone if the topic of my wedding comes up?

Nope, skirt the issue and say you haven’t finalized the guest list yet.

How can I tell my parents that there are certain people I don’t want at my wedding?

It may be best to give your parents an allotted amount of spots they can fill as they wish. If there are certain people you do not want in attendance, it’s best to have a private and honest conversation when you first discuss the guest list. Don’t insist your parents feel comfortable with the situation, but be clear about your wishes.

Am I expected to invite co-workers?

You do not have to invite everyone you work with, but try to pick a logical dividing line, like your division or team, so people don’t feel excluded. Treat any invited coworkers as you would friends, and invite them outside of work. Mail invitations to their home addresses and discuss wedding plans outside of the office.

How do I deal with guests who insist on bringing children when they know they are not included?

You have to nip this in the bud. Call the guest (even if they’ve contacted you through another medium, like email) and kindly, but firmly explain that the invitation was just for the adults and that you hope they can still attend. Don’t make exceptions—it’s not fair to other guests who respect your wishes. You can, however, invite the flower girl and the ring bearer without being hypocritical.

Can I register for gifts if it’s my 2nd marriage?

Yes.There are plenty of people who may want to give you a gift, including those who have attended a prior wedding.

How much do I tip wedding vendors?

You do not have to tip vendors with whom you have a contract. Depending on service and relationship, a small gift or a cash tip is at your discretion. You should, however, distribute tips to non-contracted staff like musicians and servers.
Meals for vendors are typically included in your contract, but you should plan to pay for their dinner regardless. Discuss meal options with your venue or caterer to find something that works with your budget.

How long do I have to send a thank you note?

Though it’s best to send a thank-you note as soon as possible, you have approximately three months to express your gratitude. If the three-month timeframe has elapsed, send any lingering thank-you notes as soon as possible. Sending an email or putting a generic thanks on social media, your wedding website, or anywhere else does not replace a handwritten note.